Self Sabotage

I have recently become a victim of self sabotage. For those of you who do not know what that might exactly mean it is where you, as an artist want to do something great like a contest or a show and you sign up or pay for the space, you get all your ducks in a row (or so you think). Then when it comes time to actually put paint on board your can't think, your palms are sweaty your house is a mess, you all of suddenly are tired and blocked you have all these ideas but your hand doesn't move in the directions that you are telling them to. You then convince yourself that you have one more month to finish the work. When really the deadline has come and gone. You then blame your loved ones for distracting you and your talents then come into question. You start thinking what is wrong with me, do I have adult A.D.D? Maybe I am no good at this whole art thing anyway. Maybe I should just work normal hours and live a "normal" life. The truth is there was much more at work here than adult ADD. It is you telling your self your not ready or good enough. It is like a boyfriend who keeps telling you your fat and you can't break up with him. It is your insecurity as a person it is you being you. It is sad and lonely to sometimes to be me. I am my best friend and worst enemy. I get scared just like everyone else does. I can have a million people around me and still be lonely. Self sabotage is a terrible thing and can ruin careers and lives of all people. I have never let anyone stop me from being an artist but why am I stopping myself? It is because I am scared of what people will say even though usually it is not in human behavior to be malicious for no reason. So I woke up and made a choice... I choose to succeed. I choose to pave ways and be someone with a voice I choose to name my insecurity and it's name is Bob. Bob better watch out! He is going to get a big giant fist full of shut the hell up. I encourage you too to name your insecurity and recognize that it is there. Name it, hug it and then kick it's ass! We are done with Bob and bob might come back but he will be battered and bruised and will have to think of betters ways to keep me down now that I know he exists.
I want to hear your names for you self sabotage tell me your stories and let the world know that you are human :)
Thanks guys
Crystal

NEW YEAR NEW GOALS

As I move into a new year and think about what I am going to do. So I decided to share my goals with you. As the year moves on I will check the goals off. So with out further delay here we go:

GOALS FOR 2009:
1. Get a rep
2. Win a contest
3. Get a licensing deal
4. Illustrate a book
5. Illustrate an ad campaign
6. Sell 5 paintings
7. Sell 20 prints of illustrations
8. Get an article written about me
9. Be recognized as an up and coming illustrator
10. Do 2 art festivals

So that's the goals for 2009! I know I can achieve them and I know I will succeed. So Keep posted on what how and when the items are checked off.